Just a little while ago, I found myself in that place where I felt overwhelmed with all the things I wanted to get done, all the people I felt I had to take care of, and especially the giant load of tasks and projects I had taken on at work (and the lack of support I was getting from my colleagues). Through all that, I became highly aware that I had to time or energy left to take care of myself and do the things that I wanted to do.

Have you ever felt that way? It’s incredibly frustrating, isn’t it?

“There MUST be a better way!”, I screamed (internally) to the Universe. 

Over the last few years, I’ve learned that the Law of Attraction truly is very responsive to what we ask for. You see, through my frustration, I was asking for more time. I was asking for less responsibility.

“Ask, and it is given”, the Universe responded back.

And so, through a process that was no fault of anyone’s, really the result of systemic issues, I suddenly found myself pulled from the team I was working with; pulled from the work I loved. The team I loved.

I’d been so focused on the problems and the stresses that I forgot to appreciate how much I loved this work, how much I loved my teammates.

“Ok,” the Universe told me, “you want less work? We’ll pull you from here and send you somewhere else”.

Part of me was shocked at the news. But through the tears that had automatically started flowing, I smiled.

Ah. Right. Thanks Universe. I forgot you were listening.

I knew I’d inadvertently asked for this. Maybe not THIS specifically. But I’d asked nonetheless.

This is why DELIBERATELY creating your reality is so important.

This is why it’s so important to make a conscious deliberate choice in your thoughts and behaviours as you move through each day. Because if you’re not careful, and you let your thoughts be about complaining more and more strongly about something, the Universe hears that and goes “Ok, here’s the solution we have for you”.

My Manager and Director looked at me sitting there, tears flowing, and I could feel they were as upset as I was. And I loved them so much for it. They cared about me and they didn’t want to see me go, any more than I truly wanted to leave.

“It’s ok,” I told them. “I take full responsibility for what happens to me.”

I knew I had created this situation.

They looked at me, confused and amazed that I was reacting in this way. I smiled at them, as they each hugged me, and told them I didn’t blame either of them, and that everything would be ok.

“How could she be thinking about us, in a time like this?” they must have been wondering.

This time, I was aware of what caused this, and what was happening.

I remembered what had happened to me 2 years ago, and I instantly knew I would be alright. “I’ve bounced back from something like this before. I can do it again.”, I told them as I walked out of my Manager’s office.

Now what?

The research I’ve done on Positive Psychology so far has taught me that Happiness isn’t about thinking positive thoughts all the time, and to ignore negative feelings.

It’s about giving yourself permission to feel the negative emotions that flow naturally.

I was feeling many emotions at the same time, which was why I was crying. I needed to give myself the time and space to feel through them, identify them, and allow them to flow in the way they needed to.

Luckily, it was a Friday. I had all weekend to process this.

And luckily, I had recently re-instated a regular meditation practice. With the help of Leo Babauta of Zen Habits, I had been meditating 10 minutes every morning for the last 2 weeks and had been practicing allowing and then moving through discomfort, both physically and mentally.

So the next morning, I woke up early, sat down to meditate and did just that. Once the initial waves of emotions ebbed a bit, I could feel two things emerging:

1. I needed to grieve.

I would no longer be working on Indigenous files. I would need to leave the relationships I had built with the people I was closely working with on my various projects. I cared deeply about the work. I cared deeply about these colleagues. I worried about them. Would they be ok without me there to support them?

I had to believe they would be ok. Believing anything else just felt too horrible.

I CHOSE to believe they would be ok.

Once I made that choice, then I could feel – I knew – that they would be ok.

I knew this was for my own good. I loved the work, but it was too much for me. I remembered my desire for more time to spend on myself and my other interests. This was what I needed to give up in order to allow that into my life.

Next, I could feel strongly that within me was the question “WTF happened?”

2. I allowed myself to think this through

I’m a highly analytical person. I needed to deconstruct this story and figure out what had happened. Not because I was searching for someone or something to blame. I knew I had to be very careful, as I thought through this part, to not allow any thoughts of blame to be entertained. It would do no one any good.

But I needed to understand.

So in my mind, I rewound the whole story back to where this particular process had started. Many pieces of the story I had to deduce, but I could tell, by how my thoughts felt to me (they felt right, or ok; not bitter or blameful), that my deductions were true.

Again, notice the deliberate choice I was making in choosing my thoughts.

I treaded very carefully, and I wrote it all down as if I was telling a story. When I got to the end, to my relief, I found that I still didn’t blame anyone for what had happened. If I had been in the shoes of anyone involved, I probably would have made the same decisions. I understood that it truly was a problem in the system. That felt ok.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t feel elated about it. I wasn’t jumping up and down, excited about it. Again, I wasn’t trying to feel “good” about it. But understanding what happened, helped me to be ok with it. I could move forward from that.

I knew it wasn’t up to me to fix the system, but I hoped that what had happened to me would help those who could influence the system make a different choice the next time they were presented with a similar situation.

As they say, it is what it is. Nothing would change. But now, I had a good understanding and that question that was in my mind had been satiated.

Now I could look forward and ask myself what’s next.

What next?

By Monday morning, I felt pretty good. I could see a path forward. I knew it would take a while before any actual changes happened and in the meantime, there was still work to be done.

As I got to my desk and dove into my day, I realized something was different.

I didn’t feel that heaviness in my chest that I used to feel about all the work that lay ahead of me. I was still worried about one important file, but it would no longer be up to me to make sure it succeeded.

I had let go.

It’s not that I didn’t care anymore. I still care. I still love the work and I still love my colleagues. But it wasn’t up to me to do it all by myself anymore.

That was a revelation.

I hadn’t even realized that I had been trying to do it all by myself. No wonder I was overwhelmed!

Now I felt relieved.

I had successfully removed myself from the equation. Life would go on. The work would go on. And I didn’t have to do it all by myself.

I had no choice but to ask for help and begin delegating my work. I had no choice but to trust that they would be able to carry on without me.

I felt free.

My Manager sat down with me that day, his eyes filled with concern for me, but I just smiled at him, feeling so much appreciation for him, and I told him I was ok; that I would be ok.

He almost fell out of his chair.

I explained the process that I had allowed for myself over the weekend. I explained what I had come up with through my analysis. And I told him I still cared and would do whatever I needed to do to help my colleagues continue on without me.

This is resilience. This is what it means to bounce back

This has been such a revealing experience for me.

To be so completely aware of what was happening as it happened. To make entirely deliberate choices with my thoughts. To allow myself to process the emotions that came up instead of avoiding them or pushing them down. To give myself permission to be vulnerable. To give myself permission to be human.

How interesting this has been.

How curious that even though, externally, I should have every right to be upset and angry, but that instead, I feel nothing but love and appreciation. How curious that I feel completely comfortable with where I now stand, ready (and dare I say, eager?) to find out what happens next.

I can’t help but feel like this is what it means to bounce back. This is what it means to be resilient.

What about you?

Can you remember a time when you bounced back from something difficult? What came of that? What did you learn from the experience?