Have you ever had a conversation with a mentor, coach or friend that was going really well, until they say something that instantly pierces through your whole being and you realize you’ve been discovered? Discovered for what? You don’t know. But you do know you need to go home and rethink your whole perspective on life. Anyone else have people with those kinds of magical powers in their life? No? Just me?
I had one of those conversations a little while ago. Let me tell you about it.
As part of completing my certification as a Leader Character Practitioner*, Dr Mary Crossan (Ivey Business School) assessed my grasp of the material by watching me deliver a Foundations of Character workshop to a group of managers. After observing me in action, we sat down on a video call and she gave me some feedback. She shared all the great things I was doing, how strong my grasp of the Leader Character framework was, and some tweaks on things I could do better. Like all my previous interactions with her, it was a nice conversation and I could tell I had officially passed my certification practicum portion.
One thing she said just hit me. I remember feeling like I was in the middle of a movie where everything is going fine until a Mac truck randomly veers directly towards the main characters and the scene switches to slow motion so you can see every vivid detail as it unfolds. Her words had instantly penetrated through all my armour, through the image I thought I had of myself at the time, through the ego that she had just inflated with positive feedback. It was a question that had me internally thinking “Shit. She saw through me. She found me out.”
“Are you holding yourself accountable to the person you are trying to become?”
It hit me so strongly that I wrote it on a sticky note and put it on my wall above my workstation. I look at that sticky note regularly, and reflect on the answer that comes up.
The first time I heard Mary speak at our organization about her work on Character Based Leadership, she had a question that she asked toward the end. It’s one of those questions that feels like a quote. Rhetorical. Not truly meant to be answered by anyone in the audience. Just meant to sit there, like a seed… or a thorn, depending on how it resonates with you. In fact, every time I’ve heard her speak since then, she’s asked that question, and usually she pauses, even for just a second or two, to allow participants to reflect.
“Who am I becoming, while I’m busy doing?”
At first, I loved that question. It felt inspirational. I understood it intellectually. It had a really nice way of explaining the importance that character plays in the conversation on leadership. And since it’s something I’ve heard her ask often, it always kind of sat there, in the back of my mind, as I went about my own work, first in applying character to leadership, then to examining organizational culture. It’s only when she asked me the accountability question that I made the personal link to this one.
“Who am I becoming, while I’m busy doing?”
I’m big on the concept of walking my talk; especially in the realms of leadership, character, and culture. If we’re not walking our talk, then we don’t have a leg to stand on (pun intended). Plus, more and more people can not only sniff bullshit, they’re calling it out in a particularly loud way.
With the Great Resignation upon us, employees are no longer afraid to walk out on leaders who don’t demonstrate authenticity, humanity and humility… in other words, leaders who do not have strong character.
Leaders can no longer afford to NOT to walk their talk. If their behaviours do not consistently match their words, employees (especially the so-called High Potentials) will not hesitate to call bullshit and go elsewhere.
“Who am I becoming, while I’m busy doing?”
Over the last year, as a Culture Ambassador, I have had the great privilege of meeting many executives, managers and their teams, and having conversations on culture. Time and time again, those in positions of leadership would ask me to tell their teams how they can incorporate culture into the work they were doing. Time and time again, the conversation with their employees would focus on the culture that existed within their own team; sometimes with a bit of a “what have you done for us lately?” spirit towards their own leaders.
Here’s the thing: Many who now hold positions of leadership have gotten there through adopting old mindsets and practices – ways of being that focused solely on competency (skills, knowledge, and individual accomplishments). They have been successful in that old system. A system designed to recognize and reward individual accomplishments at all costs. That’s how we ended up with cutthroat cultures, highly politicized “it’s who you know” cultures, and environments where “playing the game” is the only way to move up in the world.
Those folks have high stakes in keeping the old system exactly the way it is.
But here’s the other thing: the Great Resignation is real, and it looks like a bunch of people giving the finger to bosses like that and going elsewhere. And they’re leaving in droves. People will no longer stand to have bosses of weak character, whether they understand it as such or not.
“Who am I becoming, while I’m busy doing?”
Because of the privilege afforded to me by the position I’ve held over the last year, I no longer put executives on pedestals. I don’t care how high is the number next to your EX classification. You’re a human being, and I want to know who you are.
Often times, I don’t need to run a character interview with them to find that out. I don’t even need to have a one-on-one conversation. All I have to do is observe; in a meeting with their teams, or with their colleagues. I sit quietly and watch them in action.
“Who are you being, while you are busy doing?”
How do they speak to their employees? How do their employees react to them? Do they speak up in meetings with their colleagues and higher ups? If so, what considerations to they bring? Do they have the courage to dissent? Do they foster an environment of productive conflict in their meetings? Do they have a people-focused mindset as they strive to accomplish their work goals (because there are always people on the other side of the numbers)?
“Who am I becoming, while I’m busy doing?”
If you are an executive in the federal public service, I invite you to scroll back up and re-read Adam Grant’s post. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
No matter the size of your organization, if you are an executive, you hold a position of power. As Stephen Shedletzky often says, as a leader, a whisper is a shout. And your people are listening. They are watching. And they will no longer stand to have leaders who don’t demonstrate strong character, leaders who don’t walk their talk. They will call bullshit, every time.
You talk about mental health and how important self-care is, but you’re working 70-80 hours a week yourself? Bullshit.
You send them on emotional intelligence training but you don’t create a psychologically safe environment where people feel like they can bring their whole selves to work? Bullshit.
You “consult” your employees on what’s wrong with your culture and what you should do about it. Great! But when the ugly comes out, you decide to sweep it under the rug and ignore it, rather than name it, take accountability for it, and do the hard work of fixing the root causes. Instead, you just keep telling them that their feedback is important? Bullshit.
“Who am I becoming, while I’m busy doing?”
If you are an executive, or hold any position of leadership, you can no longer afford NOT to ask yourself this question on a regular basis. Because as a leader, you are no longer responsible for your work. You are responsible for the people who are doing the work.
Leadership is hard. It’s definitely not for the feint of heart. If you’re not willing to do the hard work of looking at yourself, and exercising accountability to the person you need to become as you are busy doing, then you shouldn’t be leading.
So really, “Who are you becoming, while you are busy doing?”
*This post refers to the Leader Character Framework, developed at Ivey Business School. You can read more about it in this article.