Some things happened to me recently that have really made me think. I’ve experienced some success in a way I’ve never done before. And as I watched it all happen, feeling like an observer, outside of myself, I thought: “How can I use this to help others?”

So what happened, you ask. I got a promotion. Now to some, that may be insignificant, but to me, it was huge. You see, one year ago, I stood by as I let myself get taken by the current of events in my organization, a major reorganization, and watched myself land not only in a position I did not want, it was a demotion. The biggest slap in the face I had ever experienced in my career. I had no choice in the matter. This is what they thought I was worth. Or at least that’s how it felt to me.

I felt insulted. I felt angry. I felt betrayed. How could they do this to me? I was there for 6 years. Hadn’t I proved I could do more than this? That I was worth more than this?

I spent a few weeks in that negative emotional state. I literally went through all 7 stages of grief. From shock all the way to depression. Finally, I accepted my fate; or rather I was resolved to it. But in my opinion, that’s not where the story ends. That’s just where the grief ends.

Change your perspective, change your attitude

My new job was boring at first. And I mean RIDICULOUSLY BORING. I literally had nothing to do all day long. In fact, I had so much nothing to do that I read books and watched movies for a while. What I didn’t realize was that I had needed that rest. My previous job was always stressful and overwhelming, so much so and for so long that it had become normal to me. So being forced to do nothing, although difficult, helped reset my frame of mind. I finally had time to think.

Here’s where things began to change: I made a decision. I decided that if they were going to put me in this job, I was going to do the best damn job I possibly could.

You see, my immediate supervisor, my Director, started her job within our organization on the same day as the rest of us re-org folks started our new jobs. She was nice. And I knew she had nothing to do with any of it. She hadn’t decided my worth. She hadn’t decided to put me here. It wasn’t her fault that I landed where I did. So why would I take it out on her?

For a long time, nothing happened; or at least it didn’t seem like it. The first thing that did change, was my attitude. I didn’t even realize it either, until a colleague of mine said to me one day “You are an inspiration”. It came out of nowhere, and when I asked her what she meant, she said: “You got shafted during that re-org. You were given a demotion, doing work that is beneath you. How is it that you’re so happy?” I tried my best to explain that in this situation where I had no control over what happened, the only thing I did have control over was my attitude. I CHOSE to change my attitude by changing my perspective.

I chose to look at things differently, which helped change the way I felt about the situation. And when I felt better, that helped change my attitude towards the path moving forward.

Add Massive Value

Now I’m not the kind of person who’s ever happy just doing the basics of what is required of me, day in and day out, never doing more. I’m just not capable of being content with status quo. And that was especially true for me with this job. I knew I could do more, so I offered it.

My boss was aware of what had happened to me. She understood that I was capable of more than I was given. So she supported me from the beginning. In one of our earliest meetings, when she asked me how things were going, I said to her “I’ve got the couple of things to do that you gave me but I’m going to get bored really quickly.” It took some time, and I had to keep offering my services to her and to the two other managers in my group, and finally, they found work for me. At first, it was little things here and there, but I was determined to make myself useful.

One thing I want to note is that I was given a lot of tasks and projects but I didn’t necessarily provide value in all of it. In fact, there were some things I downright sucked at. So for those tasks, I did my best, and for the projects I found interesting, or found meaning in, I put more work into them. I gave my input. I took on more work that I liked. I joined special working groups on topics that were important to me. I used my skills and talents to add value to my work. Of course, doing this implies that you’re already aware of what your skills and talents are.

If you don’t know what you’re good at, try asking the 5 people closest to you. Ask them what your superpower is. What you do better than anyone. Ask them what kind of work they would see you doing and being great at. Sometimes, the people around us know us better than we know ourselves.

Over time, getting involved in things that mattered to me, and letting my passion shine for the things that really lit me up, all paid off.

I saw a job posting for the job I wanted before I got re-org’ed into the so-called crappy job I was in now. But by now something had changed: I was actually happy. I remember looking at the poster and thinking “Do I really want this anymore? But I like it here.” I could now look at where I was and find more things I appreciated about the job and the people I worked with, than things I didn’t like. Finally I decided “what the hell…” and applied anyway. I wrote a quick letter to go with my resume (and actually had fun writing it!) and sent in my application. The best part was that I didn’t even care whether I got it or not. I was happy either way; because how I felt came from inside me, not from circumstances surrounding me.

And then, lo and behold, not only did I get the job, I got offered something even better than I had ever imagined.

Keep working on yourself

If you want change, you can’t keep doing the same things and expect things to turn out differently. When things around you are manifesting in a way that makes you unhappy in some way, don’t look outside yourself for things or people to blame. Look at what you have been offering to the world, because you are the creator of your own reality. What is manifesting in your life is a direct result of what you have been putting out. If that sucks for you right now, don’t yell at me and start explaining why it’s not your fault. I can’t hear you anyway. You’ve just been creating by default. And you’ve just forgotten who you really are and what you’re capable of.

Once you become aware, once you decide that you want things to be different, start looking at how you can change things around. Remember, you can’t control things that are outside of you. You can’t control the situation you’re in. You can’t control what people around you say or do or even think. But you can look inside yourself and decide to make some changes.

Change yourself and the world will change for you. – Jim Rohn

Sit down with a piece of paper, and write a short list (no more than 5) of things you want to change. It may be the way you look, the way you eat, the way you feel. Then, under each item, write down what you’re going to do to get there. Most of it is probably habits that you want to change. Now, pick ONE thing that you’re going to focus on for the next month. Break it down into tiny measurable milestones so that you can show yourself some success early on.

And here’s the most important, and the most difficult part: Commit to it. Every day.

Post it on a piece of paper where you’ll see it most often. Write it in NOW terms then add BECAUSE. I run every day because… I meditate every day because… I eat one vegetarian meal a day because… You need to have a WHY inserted into it because the reason why you are doing something will power you through those times when you don’t feel like doing it. Every time you look at that piece of paper, even if you’re just passing by, read it and integrate the meaning of those words before you keep going with your day. Set up some sort of way to count down the 30 days if you have to; a small calendar where you check off a box to show yourself that you’ve done the work today. That’s something you can measure. That’s something you can go back to and see what you’ve done, what you’ve achieved.

After 30 days, you’ve started building momentum on this new self-care or self-improvement habit, keep doing it but now that you’ve put the work in, it won’t be so difficult to keep it going. Now move on to the next item on your list.

What’s important is that you keep working on yourself. Read self-improvement books; books on success, books on making money, books on spirituality, and as many of those kinds of books as you can find. There are thousands of blogs that you can subscribe to (including this one!) that will give you more leading edge, up-to-the-minute, current content to absorb. If reading isn’t your bag (then I’m shit outta luck! Just kidding), then there are a ton of great podcasts out there that offer great content to listen to, and YouTube has more motivational and inspiring video/audios. And all of it is free. Even the books you can get from your local library or from friends or family. Just keep filling your mind with content that will help you make positive changes.

Keep your focus on where you want to go, by any means necessary. Ignore everything else around you; especially anything that feels negative.

Go with the flow, and trust the process

For some of you, I may not be telling you anything you didn’t know before. So let’s break down the pieces of this story that I want to make sure you take home.

1. When shit happens (or you realize you’ve been walking around in muck for a long time), you have a choice: stay pissed off or choose to change your perspective and as a result of that, your attitude towards the situation. Always remember, happiness is a choice.
2. Add massive value every chance you get. Show them what you’ve got. If you don’t know what value you can give, ask the people who know you best. Get involved in projects that matter to you; even if it’s stuff that’s over and above your current workload. It’ll seem like you’re doing all this extra work for free, but trust me, people notice, even if they don’t say anything to you.
3. Work on yourself. Another thing Jim Rohn said is “If you work hard on yourself, you make yourself more valuable to the marketplace.” If you want something to change, you’ve got to put the work in. But because you’re working towards something you want, you’ll notice that the work doesn’t suck. You’ll feel better every time you do it. And it’ll make you want to work even harder.

Those three things – a positive attitude, a desire to add value, and working on yourself – will take you everywhere you want to go. They will lead you towards the promotion you’ve been wanting, that job you’ve been vying for.

And when life inevitably throws you a curve ball, just breathe and trust in the process. Trust that things are going in the right direction. Trust that everything is ok. Because they are, and it is.

These things will also work on every subject you choose to focus on, not just your career. It’ll be the same for relationships, and for every aspect of your wellbeing.

With that, I wish you all the best on your journey to better things. Let me know what you think, if you decide to try some of this out, if you need help with any of it, and even if you think something is missing that you’d like me to address next time.

As always, I’m here for you.

– Mel