Mindfulness: It’s more than just sitting down and shutting up

After years of scientific evidence on the numerous benefits of promoting wellbeing for employees, the government agency I work for has finally gotten on board and are working on developing a Wellness program. Woohoo! Welcome to 2016, employer of mine!

Right away, my boss got on board with that and started a physical activity thing where people are invited to walk all the way down, and then all the way up the stairs of our building. Let me tell you, we work in a [insert expletive] tall building. Those stairs are crazy when you’re not used to it and I’m always sweating in un-ladylike places at the end of it.

So of course, since I’m always thinking about mental wellbeing, I thought it would be great to set up a group to do meditation, to complement the physical wellbeing stuff that my boss was doing.

First session, I had 6 people. After that, it dropped to two… myself included.

I remember my boss joyfully saying “ok I’ll try it but I warn you, I suck at it and I’ll probably drop out.”

First rule of trying anything new – if you say you’re going to suck at it, then you definitely will. Second rule – starting something by saying you’re going to quit is probably not a good way to start.

So of course, I knew it wouldn’t matter how much I explained about the benefits of mindfulness and meditation, I wouldn’t win her over. But you know what? That’s ok. I respect that. Meditation isn’t for everyone. Or at least, that’s the excuse we give people to make them feel better about quitting before they start. 😉

Interestingly enough, I learned a lot from having her there that day. First of all, it was my first time “teaching” meditation so although I tried to remember what my own meditation teacher had taught me when I first started all these years ago, I forgot one of the most important points of starting out any new project / endeavour / habit-forming activity.

Start small

When you think you’ve picked a short enough amount of time to start with, do half that time.

This applies especially for first timers who tend to be on the more active side, either physically or mentally, or both. You see, in corporate jobs, especially in management, people are so used to running from one meeting to the next, working at break-neck speeds all day long, that having a brain that is constantly active has become normal for them. So when they finally sit down to try meditation, 5 WHOLE minutes is an eternity.

I lost her after 1 minute. 

Mindfulness vs. Meditation – isn’t it the same thing?

I often find myself being asked that question, so here it is.

Meditation is the practice of sitting quietly, eyes closed, and focusing on something – be it the breath, a mantra or anything else – and attempting to clear one’s mind of thoughts… eventually.

Mindfulness CAN BE a type of meditation practice but it doesn’t have to be.

Mindfulness is about getting in touch with what’s really going on, in each moment. 

It’s about being present with what you’re doing in any moment. So you can be mindful while doing the dishes, or cooking, or while taking a walk. And sometimes when we’re not doing any particular activity, that means noticing tension in the body, noticing thoughts and emotions in the mind.

Mindfulness meditation is a type of meditation practice where you sit quietly, with eyes closed (although you don’t have to – you can stare off into space or at a candle if you want), and noticing, or becoming aware of something.

When you first start off, you are encouraged to pay attention to the sensations of your body – the feeling of your feet in your shoes, the contact with the floor; your butt in your chair; and any tension or soreness you may be feeling in the body.

Most commonly what happens for active types, is their mind starts whirring, almost as if the act of physically staying still activates movement in the mind. This is quite common and we aren’t usually aware of just how much the mind is also running around in daily life because it’s so normal to us.

Most people think that when this happens in meditation, it means they’ve failed at it. Oh I can’t meditate. I’ve tried before and it doesn’t work for me. I’m not capable of being still.

I call Bullshit. 

Most people think that meditation is supposed to be comfortable and quiet and easy; that the first time they try it, they’ll immediately fall into that blissful, peaceful state that people rave about so much. Well, let me bring you back to reality. Meditation isn’t always going to be blissfully quiet and uneventful. It actually took me a long time to get to experience a meditation like that. Often, my meditations will be super “busy”, and I’ll have one or two moments (about 5 seconds) of actual “quieting of the mind” before I think Hey! I’ve got it! aaaaaand it’s gone.

Like taking up any other wellness habit, you suck at it at first; but if you start small, stick with it and keep practicing, eventually you’ll get better at it. You don’t become a runner by starting with a marathon. You start small and work your way up to it over time, and constant practice, and sticking to it even (and especially) when you don’t feel like it.

Having a busy mind during meditation is just a sign that work is taking place – like being sore after a workout. It’s COMPLETELY NORMAL. Keep going.

Mindfulness isn’t just about meditation

So here’s where it gets interesting. Mindfulness meditation is what is called a formal practice. But what it does, is that it teaches you to become more aware of the present moment, as you go about your day. Since mindfulness is about being aware of what’s going on in the present moment, as you learn to be mindful through your meditation practice, you start to be more mindful in regular mundane tasks, and you start to see your general performance increasing in all sorts of areas of your life.

You become more present, more engaged in what you’re doing, and less distracted. Which means you end up being more productive.

You pay better attention when someone is speaking (instead of planning what you’re going to say in response before they’ve even finished speaking). You can read faster and retain more information (instead of thinking of your grocery list). You even become a better driver, flowing in and out of traffic more smoothly, because you’re more focused and aware of your surroundings.

By cultivating a mindfulness practice, through meditation, you gain skills that overflow into the rest of your life. 

Then there’s the all important benefit of stress reduction

So here’s the thing. Since mindfulness is about being aware of what’s going on in the present moment, during meditation you may become aware that your mind is wandering towards thoughts of anxiety (worrying about the future) or depression (beating yourself up over the past).

With depression, it’s a little trickier because then you have work to do around forgiving yourself. (CAVEAT: I’m aware that there’s a HUGE difference between depression and depressive thoughts and that I’m making a giant generalization here but just go with me for a second) This means you have to admit that whatever it was, you had a part in manifesting it into your life and that’s incredibly difficult because we assume that blame has to be assigned, and blaming ourselves is the worst feeling in the world. Let me ask you this though: What if you didn’t have to assign blame? What if it wasn’t anybody’s fault? More on this topic in a future post.

Ok so now, let’s think about anxiety for a minute. Just as depressive thoughts come from beating ourselves up about the past, anxious thoughts come from worrying about the future.

If you’re a so-called worry-wort, you know all about this. The all-too-familiar “what if” game. What if they don’t like me? What if I suck? What if I fail? What if I don’t have enough money? What if the world ends next week? What if there just isn’t anyone out there for me and I die alone?

REALLY?? Enough already!

The most basic thing that mindfulness meditation does is that it teaches you to let go of thoughts that are in the future, or the past, and bring your focus back on the now.

It teaches you to just breathe. 

So when you come out of meditation and you go about your day, whenever you become aware that your thoughts start spinning out of control in your head about whatever it is you’re stressing about, you can stop yourself, take a few deep breaths, and come back to the present moment. Over time, the more you practice this, the better you get at catching yourself earlier and earlier in the process.

Kick judgement to the curb

So here you are. I’ve convinced you to try meditation, and so you sit there with your new phone app, and some granola crunching hippy’s voice in your ear, telling you to relax and take long slow deep breaths. Pretentious bastard. This is bullshit. I can’t believe I’m sitting here doing this crap. What should I make for dinner? Maybe I’ll take some chicken out of the freezer. Ugh I’ve made chicken for 3 days in a row now. Why do I always have to make chicken? Maybe I’ll make burgers. It’s a nice day today. Maybe I’ll spark up the BBQ. 

And before you know it, your 5 or 10 or whatever minutes is up.

God damnit! Why do I always have to do that? Why can’t I just freaking breathe and do what the man tells me to do? Can’t I follow simple directions?

WOAH there!!

How about we back that up a bit.

The key to being successful in being mindful during meditation is that when you notice that your mind has wandered off, you practice detaching from that thought (i.e. letting the emotional part of that thought go) and gently bring yourself back to focusing on your breath.

Now it doesn’t help to focus on your breath so much that you become judgemental of it either. The idea is to just observe. Like a scientist. With curiosity.

Huh, look at that. This breath was shallow. Maybe if I allow my lower belly to move more, I can have deeper breaths. Oh, this one was much better! Hmm, when I breathe deeper my breaths seem to get slower. And look at that! I’m feeling even more relaxed! I thought I was already relaxed. Interesting! 

By practicing being non-judgemental about your thoughts, and bringing your attention back to the present moment, you become kinder and gentler with yourself. And as you continue your practice, that transfers to your reaction to your outside world – to the people and situations around you. You become less annoyed with people. You let them off the hook more. You let yourself off the hook more. You don’t stress out so much when you’re in traffic. The road rage slowly disappears. And the voice of the granola crunching hippy becomes less pretentious and more kind, relaxing and encouraging.

So, if we recap, here’s the moral of the story

1. If you’re going to start meditating, start VERY small. Give yourself every chance to be successful. There are tons of apps out there that will help you with timers and guided meditation tracks to get you started.
2. Having an active mind during meditation is normal. It doesn’t mean you suck at it and that you’re a giant failure. To prove it to yourself, do this experiment. The second that you come out of meditation, do a mental check. Are your thoughts running wild right that second? No? Good. Then you did great. Do it again tomorrow.
3. Learning to be mindful in meditation teaches you to be mindful in the rest of your day, which means you are more present and therefore increase your performance levels.
4. You also learn to manage your emotions better. You learn to just breathe through stressful situations and be less judgemental and gently let go of negative emotional thoughts and reactions, which means you’re far less moody and far more fun to hang around with.

So there you have it. Have I convinced you? Let me know by leaving a comment below or sending me an e-mail. If you need help starting out, let me know. I’d be more than happy to coach you through it.

Until next time, friends, keep being awesome.

-Mel