As I’ve started this new journey, I’ve been thinking a lot about some key words that have been popping up in my readings, and what each one means to me.
Flourishing
Contentment
Joy
Happiness
That last one is so big.
What is happiness? I mean, what is it really, to YOU? Have you ever actually taken the time to truly define what your version of happiness looks like?
Is it making a ton of money? Is it getting that promotion you’ve been working towards for so long? Is it a quiet cup of your favourite warm drink on a bright Sunday morning? Is it a vacation in the tropics? Is it a nature hike on a mountain trail? Is it a really good, deep meditation session? Is it a quiet run early in the morning? Or a walk by the water? Is it sitting down with a good book on a rainy afternoon? Is it playing your favourite sport with your friends? Is it sharing a delicious meal with people you love? Is it doing yoga? Is it painting?
Everyone defines Happiness in a different way. And the thing is, happiness is conditional… and unconditional at the same time.
Yup, you read that right.
Do you do the things that make you happy BECAUSE they bring you from a state of unhappiness, or just “meh”, as I like to call it (some people call it Baseline – a state where you’re not feeling awesome, but you’re not feeling necessarily bad either)? Or do you do the things that make you happy because you were already on your way to being happy and you were just inspired to do that one specific thing? Like “Oh man I’m feeling pretty good right now. Oh! I know what would be awesome right now…”
I don’t know about you, but I can find happiness in a lot of the things I listed above.
But what if happiness was a choice that we make, and then by virtue of making the conscious choice to be happy, we are inspired or guided to doing things that make us feel even happier?
What if you decided to follow that inspiration, no matter what the people around you said about it?
What if it could lead you to the fulfilling career you’ve been dreaming of?
What if it could lead you to meeting that one person who will truly get you and with whom you will want to share your life?
What if it could lead to MORE of the things that made you happy?
It can.
The trick, is to make the DECISION to be happy. Every single day.
Don’t you want to make it past feeling “meh” every day and actually feel like shouting “Yes!” more of the time? It is possible.
Just like getting that dream job, or that car you want, or whatever it is you’ve been working towards, you have to want it badly enough.
You have to really WANT to be happy.
You have to be sick of feeling like crap, or feeling just “meh” most of the time, and you have to decide that it’s just not a tolerable option anymore.
The first step, is to make that decision.
Once you’ve made the decision, let me tell you, all sorts of really cool stuff starts happening.
First, you become hungry for information.
I know you must be reading this and saying “Sure Mel, I can sit here and say I’m going to be happy. But then what?”
Then you spend as much time as you can getting to know the one person that has the power to make you happy for the rest of your life: YOU.
Ask yourself important questions, like:
What makes me happy?
What really lights me up?
What do I love doing?
What is it that I can do for hours and totally lose track of time doing it?
What is it that I’m really good at, and that other people thank me for?
For some people, that’s meditating; for others, it’s gardening; others, it’s cooking; and yet others, it’s being in the service of others, helping people.
Find out what that is, then start researching it. Look for it in your everyday life. Find ways to include bits of it in your days.
Start Small
The thing about happiness is that when you’re starting from “meh” – from Baseline – or worse, if you’re spending most of your days not feeling all that great at all, it’s hard to conceive that it’s even possible to ever get to such an amazing-sounding place as happy. For some people, it’s been such a long time since they’ve ever really felt happy, they’ve actually led themselves to believe that it’s just not possible for them. I truly hope that’s not you; because if it is, I’ll tell you something, and you won’t believe me at first but I’m hoping that over time I might help change your mind: Even YOU can find happiness again.
When was the last time you did something you enjoyed? Even if it was playing a video game, or reading a book, or drinking a really good latte, or heard your favourite song. THAT was a moment of happiness.
Sure, it wasn’t mind blowing (big H) Happiness. But it counts.
Every moment of happiness counts.
All you have to do is pay attention to those moments and pay less attention to the crappy moments. And I mean literally go in complete denial about shit that makes you feel bad. People will say you’re crazy, but let them. What they have to say doesn’t matter because you’re on a quest to Happiness.
Try this exercise
Spend the next 7 days, looking for every little moment of joy; anything that made you smile. If you notice it in the moment, write it down somewhere if you can; any piece of paper will do. Even a receipt or a napkin. At the end of each day, spend 15 minutes thinking about your day and recalling all those moments of joy. Write down everything you can remember. Big or small, everything counts. A smile, a helping hand, a kind word, anything. Even if it’s just 2 or 3 things at first, it’s a good start.
At the end of the 7 days, go back and re-read everything you wrote and accumulated over the last week. Notice if the number of joyful things you recalled at the end of the day increased throughout the week. Notice if your general mood has gotten lighter by the end of the week.
Seriously. Don’t take my word for it. Run your own experiment. Then share your results with me if you feel comfortable enough doing so. Show yourself how many joyful things happen in your daily life that maybe you just never noticed before.
Maybe then, you do it for another week, then another, and another. And maybe, after doing this for 30 days, you can start to notice different things. Maybe it gets easier to spot tiny moments of happiness throughout your day, right as they happen, and not at the end of the day when you have to work so hard to remember them. Maybe then you start to notice regular things around you that you just never paid attention to before.
It’s amazing the beautiful, wonderful things we can see, when we’ve trained our eyes to look for them; when we remember to truly see the beauty and wonder in all things, as we used to see them when we were children.
I say this all the time and I truly believe it: I try to be like my 5-year old daughter as much as I possibly can.
To look upon the world with wonder, curiosity, and possibility, is the best possible way to about one’s day.
Try it, and let me know what you see.
Until next time, my friends, be well.
– Mel
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