Once you’re aware of the leader character framework, you can begin to develop your character by picking one of the 11 dimensions, or a single element within it, and start working on it. This article takes a closer look at the dimension of Humanity.

I consider myself a pretty human person. In fact, people tell me that being human is one of my strengths. So it goes to say that the Humanity dimension of my character is pretty strong, right? If I look at the elements of Humanity (considerate, empathetic, compassionate, forgiving) I can do an internal check and say “Yeah, I’m not perfect in those areas, but I’m pretty strong.”

But magnanimous? Wait… what does that even mean?

I remember the first time I dove deeper into Humanity and I saw that word. I actually had to look it up.

From Oxford languages: Generous or forgiving, especially toward a rival or less powerful person.

Merriam-Webster (Magnanimity): loftiness of spirit enabling one to bear trouble calmly, to disdain meanness and pettiness, and to display a noble generosity.

From Wikipedia: Magnanimity is the virtue of being great of mind and heart. It encompasses, usually, a refusal to be petty, a willingness to face danger, and actions for noble purposes.

In modern terms, I define it as being the bigger person, taking the higher road, turning the other cheek. It’s about making a conscious choice not to fall into the emotional trap when someone says hurtful things to you, instead of being petty and saying something to hurt them back. Even better, doubling down on compassion toward the person who just lashed out at you.

I don’t know about you, but with all my strengths of Humanity, I struggle with magnanimity. Especially at work.

There’s been some big, tough changes in my team lately. Key people leaving, others being promoted into leadership roles they’ve never held before, and the pressure is heavier than usual, it seems.

People are burned out, one was even hospitalized, and in trying to do things right, I’ve watched those new leaders leaving their humanity behind. To be fair, whether they’re forgetting to do the right thing, or afraid to do it because it means challenging their bosses, I don’t know.

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SIDE NOTE: Let’s be clear, being compassionate and empathetic means nothing when the words aren’t followed up with actions. Saying “I’m sorry you’re feeling overwhelmed and tired. Take a day or two off. But when you get back, this thing and that thing still needs to get done. We’ll even pay you overtime.” is NOT how I would define strong Humanity.

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When the leaders aren’t fine, none of us are fine.

I had recently chosen to work on being more magnanimous. Trying to navigate the tough things thrown my way by being “big” and being generous in my assumptions. But the other day, I missed a really big opportunity to practice it.

I was about to leave the team for an exciting new opportunity, within the same organization. I’d been “transitioning” into my new role for nearly 4 weeks. I had asked for the usual two weeks, but they insisted on keeping me for 4 because I was the only one on the team with the level of expertise they needed. In practicing being magnanimous, I agreed to stay longer.

Straddling the two roles for 4 weeks was hard, but I did it because I was passionate about the work, and I cared about my colleagues. I could handle the extra stress knowing it was temporary. The closer I got to my last day however, the more frantic the requests got. It felt like a cross between trying to squeeze every bit of knowledge out of my head, and taking advantage of every possible opportunity of having me while I was there.  

Finally, the finish line was near – only 3 days away – when I get a new request: we need 3 new character development tools, and we need them before you leave.

That was it. I’d had enough. That was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

I’d spent the last 2 weeks in constant meetings, unable to get much work done during the day and working into the evenings and weekends, even as my daughter waited for me to make dinner and be with her, trying to get everything done before I left. A request like that would normally take me weeks of work, and they wanted it in 3 days? Why hadn’t my bosses seen how ridiculous that was?

The e-mail came at the end of the day (why do these types of requests always happen at the end of the day? I’m surprised it wasn’t Friday at 4pm). What I should have done was take a beat, shut my computer off, and come back to it in the morning to reply with a fresh, calm, perspective.

Instead, I fired off a mostly politically correct (but actually passive-aggressive) response to say “No, I won’t be doing that” and in my anger, I couldn’t stop myself from adding a snide comment to my new manager, essentially telling her she was incompetent.

Ouch.

I knew it was the wrong thing for me to do, but I let my emotions get the better of me. That almost never happens to me. I lacked Temperance in that moment, and I failed in my practice to be magnanimous.

She immediately came back with a hammer, squashing me into place in a “how dare you refuse a direct order” sort of way… as if we worked in the military. Then, in the morning, when I apologized, she proceeded to shame me and make me feel like a tiny, inexperienced, insubordinate insect… just in case I didn’t realize the impact of my (written and therefore permanent) words. I’d expected a tough conversation, but I didn’t expect to be beaten down into submission.

I had so much anxiety for the rest of the day, I couldn’t eat, and I cried myself to sleep that night. I didn’t want to leave my beloved team this way. I loved my work, and the people I worked with.

Reflection is a huge part of character development

With a few days between that event and now, I’m able to temper my anger and hurt enough to reflect back on it. I realize that regardless of the circumstances, the mistake was mine. Whether or not my manager’s reaction was warranted, I attracted it out of her.

While remaining planted in my truth, and my decision to not fulfill the request, I can still take accountability for my action and the impact that it had. And if I lean on compassion and empathy, I can only imagine how “in over her head” she must feel, afraid to think of what the team will do with me gone. It doesn’t justify what she did, but it will help me let go of the hurt.

I’m not perfect – nobody is. Developing character isn’t easy, and the goal isn’t to be perfect in the end. As Simon Sinek says “it’s to be better tomorrow than we were yesterday.” Mostly it takes Courage… a lot of Courage. Courage to try, and fail. Courage to get back up and try again.

This time, I’m practicing being magnanimous “after the fact”. I can only hope that next time, I’ll be able to catch myself in the moment and practice it sooner.