I was chatting with a friend the other day, and we were having a conversation that felt like the movie “Groundhog Day”. Yet again, something happened on her team, and yet again, her leader failed to demonstrate courage to [fill in the blank – didn’t speak up to bad senior management decisions, picked the safer option over an innovative idea, didn’t say no when the team’s plate was already full, turned a small task into a huge emergency when the team’s role is not essential rather than negotiate a deadline, etc.].
I’ve been having many of these conversations lately. Folks wondering what the heck is going on with their boss. Were they always like this but no one noticed until now? Are they just unable to manage their stress, thereby letting it spill over to the team? Are they just not coping well with the changes in work style (therefore having to change their leadership style) from working in a physical office, to having to manage an entirely virtual team?
I know firsthand how it feels to have a bad boss, not because they’re a jerk, but because they just don’t have a clue that they’re terrible.
Fear is a powerful motivator
Everyone feels fear from time to time, and I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that everyone has felt some degree / form of fear within the last 4 to 6 months that the COVID-19 pandemic has wreaked havoc on this planet.
Fear does strange things to people, regardless of what role they play in their job. If they’re in any kind of leadership position, it just means that fear can be even more dangerous. Fear-based decisions are often the cause of many a bad management or leadership decisions.
The science points to it time and time again: When people feel afraid, they hoard knowledge and ideas, make cautious decisions, follow the rules without exception and with no regard to individual circumstances, and avoid “rocking the boat” at all costs. They essentially think almost exclusively of their own survival.
But when people feel safe, they feel comfortable taking risks like suggesting new and innovative ways of doing things, they openly share ideas with others and collaborate better, and they support and care for one another, and often put others at the center of their decisions, thinking of the impact their decisions will have on others.
This is a normal, biological response to fear. We did this as cave people, and regardless of our technological advancements, those neurological pathways still remain in our homo sapiens brains.
So how does that help you deal with a fear-led boss?
Start with some perspective
It takes great courage to move forward into uncertainty and offer hope and optimism to a team when fear is present. Under normal circumstances, let alone these extreme times, not everyone will be able to demonstrate that level of courage. It doesn’t mean they’re a bad person; it doesn’t mean they’re a bad leader.
It’s also important to remember that it takes a lot of energy to be courageous over a sustained period of time.
Think of it this way:
Picture a soldier who is on patrol in a hostile territory. They’re already in a state of heightened alertness. Then something happens – say their vehicle hits an IED – and they’re suddenly thrown into a combat situation. Regardless of how they feel, they suddenly need to be courageous and make split-second decisions that can cost or save the lives of their teammates. Eventually (hopefully rather quickly), the combat situation ends and they are left to deal with the damages and fallout.
Imagine if that combat situation lasted for days and weeks on end… makes you think back to World War times doesn’t it?
Sprinkle on some compassion
No one will have had the energy to be courageous, or even optimistic and hopeful, all the time during the last few months. If your leader has lacked courage when you needed them to be so, or has done something you feel is cowardly, the first thing they need from you is compassion and understanding, not criticism.
Remember: Everyone is doing the best they can in the moment, with what resources (mental and physical) they have.
Maybe this time, as your leader disappoints you, if you have the energy (and they clearly don’t), instead of talking behind their back, and criticizing them, you can show the some compassion.
Maybe it’s just this one time (that they’re cowardly) when normally, they have a decent track record of making good decisions and leading in a way that suits you. Maybe it’s been like this the entire time during COVID, but they’re not normally like this. Or maybe this is just par for the course, as they’re always careful, risk averse, and lack courage to say “no” to their own bosses under regular circumstances (so did you really expect them to behave any differently?).
Regardless of the circumstance, compassion is still a good approach. Yes, even for the boss who lacks courage all the time, let alone during COVID.
Try this
Take a deep breath.
Then, say this out loud: “Everyone is doing the best they can. Even my boss.” (try not to add any expletives between “my” and “boss”)
You might not feel 100% better, but I bet you feel even a smidgeon less tension in your body.
What you can do
Ok so maybe this whole thing has made you think twice about your career choices, or at least about this current job. Believe it or not, that’s actually a good thing!
So many people go through life by default – applying to jobs they assume they’re best fit to do, without any thought to whether they WANT to do that type of work, and even more so, without any thought to whether the company (or in my case, the government department) is the right place for them.
Here’s a few things you can do as you pause and reflect:
1. Don’t hold your boss, or the company/ government department responsible for your career happiness
First, it’s important to acknowledge that even those who absolutely LOVE their job, have bad days, or even bad seasons. It doesn’t mean they should start looking for something else. Then, remember that it’s not your leader’s job to make sure you’re happy.
You know best what you need in order to be happy in your job.
2. Do your own homework and take action
Need to learn more? Spend more time looking up interesting articles and videos to stay current on your favourite career-related topic. You don’t need to go back to school, get a degree or certificate, or even take an online course to continue growing in your career.
Think you need a mentor? Don’t force your boss to be that person for you if they’re not naturally able to do that. Look at other leaders within your organization, find one you admire, reach out to them yourself, and ask them if they’d be willing to have a conversation. Then, make sure you come prepared with great questions. Great mentors are usually VERY busy and you likely won’t get to see them often, so make sure you capitalize on the time you do get with them.
The point is, YOU need to take charge of your own career.
3. Try something different
As for the crappy day-to-day, try to remember that every morning is a new beginning and a new opportunity to do things differently. Try a different approach to having conversations with your boss.
After all, being angry at your boss, regardless of how right you think you are, isn’t hurting them nearly as much as it hurts you. You’re the one who ends up spending all that time stewing on whatever it is they did (or didn’t to) rather than kicking serious butt at what you do.
If all else fails, don’t blow it up
Say you’ve tried all kinds of things and you’re just not seeing any changes. Remember that these are strange and uncertain times. Before you blow up your career and quit your job, consider biding your time for a little while longer while you look for something else. This (pandemic) too shall pass.
Make sure that if you leave your current job, it’s for the right reasons, and that you’ve got something solid waiting for you on the other side.
Don’t just leave for the sake of leaving either. Make sure it’s for a job that you’re truly interested in, for a boss that has similar values as your own, and a company you can really get behind.
What do you think?
Now I’d like to hear from you!
Have you had a terrible boss? Someone who often made fear-based decisions? How did you deal with working with them? If you had a friend going through something like this, what would you tell them?
Leave me a comment, or send me an e-mail. I’d really like to know!